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SHALLOWSir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
SLENDERIn the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 5'Coram.'
SHALLOWAy, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.
SLENDERAy, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'
SHALLOWAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 10Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
SLENDERAll his successors gone before him hath done't; and
all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.
SHALLOWAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 15It is an old coat.
SIR HUGH EVANSThe dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
man, and signifies love.
SHALLOWThe luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
SLENDERAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 20I may quarter, coz.
SHALLOWYou may, by marrying.
SIR HUGH EVANSIt is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
SHALLOWNot a whit.
SIR HUGH EVANSYes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 25there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 30between you.
SHALLOWThe council shall bear it; it is a riot.
SIR HUGH EVANSIt is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 35riot; take your vizaments in that.
SHALLOWHa! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.
SIR HUGH EVANSIt is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
and there is also another device in my prain, which
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 40peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
Page, which is pretty virginity.
SLENDERMistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
small like a woman.
SIR HUGH EVANSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 45It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
death's-bed — Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
— give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 50old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDERDid her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
SIR HUGH EVANSAy, and her father is make her a petter penny.
SLENDERAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 55I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
SIR HUGH EVANSSeven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
SHALLOWWell, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
SIR HUGH EVANSShall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 60is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
peat the door for Master Page.
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
PAGE Who's there?
SIR HUGH EVANSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 65Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to your likings.
PAGEI am glad to see your worships well.
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 70I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOWMaster Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page? — and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 75Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOWSir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
PAGEI am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDERHow does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
was outrun on Cotsall.
PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 80It could not be judged, sir.
SLENDERYou'll not confess, you'll not confess.
SHALLOWThat he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
'tis a good dog.
PAGEA cur, sir.
SHALLOWAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 85Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
PAGESir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
office between you.
SIR HUGH EVANSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 90It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
SHALLOWHe hath wronged me, Master Page.
PAGESir, he doth in some sort confess it.
SHALLOWIf it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 95hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
PAGEHere comes Sir John.
FALSTAFFNow, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?
SHALLOWKnight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 100broke open my lodge.
FALSTAFFBut not kissed your keeper's daughter?
SHALLOWTut, a pin! this shall be answered.
FALSTAFFI will answer it straight; I have done all this.
That is now answered.
SHALLOWAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 105The council shall know this.
FALSTAFF'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:
you'll be laughed at.
SIR HUGH EVANSPauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
FALSTAFFGood worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 110head: what matter have you against me?
SLENDERMarry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;
and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol.
BARDOLPHYou Banbury cheese!
SLENDERAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 115Ay, it is no matter.
PISTOLHow now, Mephostophilus!
SLENDERAy, it is no matter.
NYMSlice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.
SLENDERWhere's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
SIR HUGH EVANSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 120Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that
is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 125We three, to hear it and end it between them.
SIR HUGH EVANSFery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-
book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
as great discreetly as we can.
PISTOLAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 130He hears with ears.
SIR HUGH EVANSThe tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He
hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.
FALSTAFFPistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
SLENDERAy, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 135never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
FALSTAFFIs this true, Pistol?
SIR HUGH EVANSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 140No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
PISTOLHa, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
SLENDERAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 145By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
NYMBe avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say
'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's
humour on me; that is the very note of it.
SLENDERBy this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 150though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
FALSTAFFWhat say you, Scarlet and John?
BARDOLPHWhy, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
himself out of his five sentences.
SIR HUGH EVANSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 155It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
BARDOLPHAnd being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and
so conclusions passed the careires.
SLENDERAy, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 160but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have
the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
SIR HUGH EVANSSo Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
FALSTAFFYou hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 165Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.
SLENDERO heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
PAGEHow now, Mistress Ford!
FALSTAFFMistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:
by your leave, good mistress.
PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 170Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
we shall drink down all unkindness.
SLENDERI had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
Songs and Sonnets here.
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 175How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait
on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?
SIMPLEBook of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 180afore Michaelmas?
SHALLOWCome, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?
SLENDERAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 185Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
I shall do that that is reason.
SHALLOWNay, but understand me.
SLENDERSo I do, sir.
SIR HUGH EVANSGive ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 190description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
SLENDERNay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
country, simple though I stand here.
SIR HUGH EVANSBut that is not the question: the question is
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 195concerning your marriage.
SHALLOWAy, there's the point, sir.
SIR HUGH EVANSMarry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDERWhy, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
SIR HUGH EVANSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 200But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to
know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
good will to the maid?
SHALLOWAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 205Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
SLENDERI hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would do reason.
SIR HUGH EVANSNay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
possitable, if you can carry her your desires
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 210towards her.
SHALLOWThat you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
SLENDERI will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.
SHALLOWNay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 215is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
SLENDERI will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
married and have more occasion to know one another;
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 220I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
SIR HUGH EVANSIt is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 225meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.
SHALLOWAy, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDERAy, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
SHALLOWHere comes fair Mistress Anne.
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
ANNE PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 230The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
SHALLOWI will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
SIR HUGH EVANSOd's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
ANNE PAGEWill't please your worship to come in, sir?
SLENDERAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 235No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
ANNE PAGEThe dinner attends you, sir.
SLENDERI am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 240A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I
live like a poor gentleman born.
ANNE PAGEI may not go in without your worship: they will not
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 245sit till you come.
SLENDERI' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
though I did.
ANNE PAGEI pray you, sir, walk in.
SLENDERI had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 250my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot
abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?
ANNE PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 255I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.
SLENDERI love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see
the bear loose, are you not?
ANNE PAGEAy, indeed, sir.
SLENDERAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 260That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so
cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 265rough things.
PAGECome, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.
SLENDERI'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
PAGEBy cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.
SLENDERNay, pray you, lead the way.
PAGEAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 270Come on, sir.
SLENDERMistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
ANNE PAGENot I, sir; pray you, keep on.
SLENDERI'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!