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The Comedy of Errors

ACT I

SCENE I. A hall in DUKE SOLINUS'S palace.

AEGEONProceed, Solinus, to procure my fall
And by the doom of death end woes and all.
DUKE SOLINUSMerchant of Syracuse, plead no more;
I am not partial to infringe our laws:
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 5The enmity and discord which of late
Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke
To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,
Who wanting guilders to redeem their lives
Have seal'd his rigorous statutes with their bloods,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 10Excludes all pity from our threatening looks.
For, since the mortal and intestine jars
'Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,
It hath in solemn synods been decreed
Both by the Syracusians and ourselves,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 15To admit no traffic to our adverse towns Nay, more,
If any born at Ephesus be seen
At any Syracusian marts and fairs;
Again: if any Syracusian born
Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 20His goods confiscate to the duke's dispose,
Unless a thousand marks be levied,
To quit the penalty and to ransom him.
Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
Cannot amount unto a hundred marks;
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 25Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.
AEGEONYet this my comfort: when your words are done,
My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
DUKE SOLINUSWell, Syracusian, say in brief the cause
Why thou departed'st from thy native home
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 30And for what cause thou camest to Ephesus.
AEGEONA heavier task could not have been imposed
Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable:
Yet, that the world may witness that my end
Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 35I'll utter what my sorrows give me leave.
In Syracusa was I born, and wed
Unto a woman, happy but for me,
And by me, had not our hap been bad.
With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 40By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamnum; till my factor's death
And the great care of goods at random left
Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse:
From whom my absence was not six months old
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 45Before herself, almost at fainting under
The pleasing punishment that women bear,
Had made provision for her following me
And soon and safe arrived where I was.
There had she not been long, but she became
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 50A joyful mother of two goodly sons;
And, which was strange, the one so like the other,
As could not be distinguish'd but by names.
That very hour, and in the self-same inn,
A meaner woman was delivered
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 55Of such a burden, male twins, both alike:
Those, — for their parents were exceeding poor, —
I bought and brought up to attend my sons.
My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
Made daily motions for our home return:
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 60Unwilling I agreed. Alas! too soon,
We came aboard.
A league from Epidamnum had we sail'd,
Before the always wind-obeying deep
Gave any tragic instance of our harm:
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 65But longer did we not retain much hope;
For what obscured light the heavens did grant
Did but convey unto our fearful minds
A doubtful warrant of immediate death;
Which though myself would gladly have embraced,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 70Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
Weeping before for what she saw must come,
And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,
That mourn'd for fashion, ignorant what to fear,
Forced me to seek delays for them and me.
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 75And this it was, for other means was none:
The sailors sought for safety by our boat,
And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us:
My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
Had fasten'd him unto a small spare mast,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 80Such as seafaring men provide for storms;
To him one of the other twins was bound,
Whilst I had been like heedful of the other:
The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fix'd,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 85Fasten'd ourselves at either end the mast;
And floating straight, obedient to the stream,
Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,
Dispersed those vapours that offended us;
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 90And by the benefit of his wished light,
The seas wax'd calm, and we discovered
Two ships from far making amain to us,
Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this:
But ere they came, — O, let me say no more!
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 95Gather the sequel by that went before.
DUKE SOLINUSNay, forward, old man; do not break off so;
For we may pity, though not pardon thee.
AEGEONO, had the gods done so, I had not now
Worthily term'd them merciless to us!
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 100For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,
We were encounterd by a mighty rock;
Which being violently borne upon,
Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
So that, in this unjust divorce of us,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 105Fortune had left to both of us alike
What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
Her part, poor soul! seeming as burdened
With lesser weight but not with lesser woe,
Was carried with more speed before the wind;
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 110And in our sight they three were taken up
By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
At length, another ship had seized on us;
And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,
Gave healthful welcome to their shipwreck'd guests;
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 115And would have reft the fishers of their prey,
Had not their bark been very slow of sail;
And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
Thus have you heard me sever'd from my bliss;
That by misfortunes was my life prolong'd,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 120To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
DUKE SOLINUSAnd for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,
Do me the favour to dilate at full
What hath befall'n of them and thee till now.
AEGEONMy youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 125At eighteen years became inquisitive
After his brother: and importuned me
That his attendant — so his case was like,
Reft of his brother, but retain'd his name —
Might bear him company in the quest of him:
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 130Whom whilst I labour'd of a love to see,
I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.
Five summers have I spent in furthest Greece,
Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus;
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 135Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
Or that or any place that harbours men.
But here must end the story of my life;
And happy were I in my timely death,
Could all my travels warrant me they live.
DUKE SOLINUSAct 1 Sc 1 Ln 140Hapless AEgeon, whom the fates have mark'd
To bear the extremity of dire mishap!
Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,
Which princes, would they, may not disannul,
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 145My soul would sue as advocate for thee.
But, though thou art adjudged to the death
And passed sentence may not be recall'd
But to our honour's great disparagement,
Yet I will favour thee in what I can.
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 150Therefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day
To seek thy life by beneficial help:
Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
And live; if no, then thou art doom'd to die.
Act 1 Sc 1 Ln 155Gaoler, take him to thy custody.
GaolerI will, my lord.
AEGEONHopeless and helpless doth AEgeon wend,
But to procrastinate his lifeless end.

ACT I

SCENE II. The Mart.

First MerchantTherefore give out you are of Epidamnum,
Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
This very day a Syracusian merchant
Is apprehended for arrival here;
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 5And not being able to buy out his life
According to the statute of the town,
Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
There is your money that I had to keep.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEGo bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 10And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
Within this hour it will be dinner-time:
Till that, I'll view the manners of the town,
Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
And then return and sleep within mine inn,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 15For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
Get thee away.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMany a man would take you at your word,
And go indeed, having so good a mean.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEA trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 20When I am dull with care and melancholy,
Lightens my humour with his merry jests.
What, will you walk with me about the town,
And then go to my inn and dine with me?
First MerchantI am invited, sir, to certain merchants,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 25Of whom I hope to make much benefit;
I crave your pardon. Soon at five o'clock,
Please you, I'll meet with you upon the mart
And afterward consort you till bed-time:
My present business calls me from you now.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 1 Sc 2 Ln 30Farewell till then: I will go lose myself
And wander up and down to view the city.
First MerchantSir, I commend you to your own content.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEHe that commends me to mine own content
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 35I to the world am like a drop of water
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 40In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
Here comes the almanac of my true date.
What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSReturn'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 45The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
She is so hot because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold because you come not home;
You come not home because you have no stomach;
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 50You have no stomach having broke your fast;
But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray
Are penitent for your default to-day.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEStop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:
Where have you left the money that I gave you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 1 Sc 2 Ln 55O, — sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last
To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI am not in a sportive humour now:
Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 60We being strangers here, how darest thou trust
So great a charge from thine own custody?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI pray you, air, as you sit at dinner:
I from my mistress come to you in post;
If I return, I shall be post indeed,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 65For she will score your fault upon my pate.
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
And strike you home without a messenger.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECome, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 70Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSTo me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECome on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSMy charge was but to fetch you from the mart
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 75Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
My mistress and her sister stays for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIn what safe place you have bestow'd my money,
Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 80Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both.
If I should pay your worship those again,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 85Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSYour worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 1 Sc 2 Ln 90What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhat mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!
Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEUpon my life, by some device or other
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 95The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage,
As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Act 1 Sc 2 Ln 100Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
And many such-like liberties of sin:
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
I greatly fear my money is not safe.

ACT II

SCENE I. The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.

ADRIANANeither my husband nor the slave return'd,
That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
LUCIANAPerhaps some merchant hath invited him,
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 5And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine and never fret:
A man is master of his liberty:
Time is their master, and, when they see time,
They'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.
ADRIANAAct 2 Sc 1 Ln 10Why should their liberty than ours be more?
LUCIANABecause their business still lies out o' door.
ADRIANALook, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
LUCIANAO, know he is the bridle of your will.
ADRIANAThere's none but asses will be bridled so.
LUCIANAAct 2 Sc 1 Ln 15Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe.
There's nothing situate under heaven's eye
But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls,
Are their males' subjects and at their controls:
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 20Men, more divine, the masters of all these,
Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,
Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females, and their lords:
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 25Then let your will attend on their accords.
ADRIANAThis servitude makes you to keep unwed.
LUCIANANot this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.
ADRIANABut, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
LUCIANAEre I learn love, I'll practise to obey.
ADRIANAAct 2 Sc 1 Ln 30How if your husband start some other where?
LUCIANATill he come home again, I would forbear.
ADRIANAPatience unmoved! no marvel though she pause;
They can be meek that have no other cause.
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 35We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more would we ourselves complain:
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me,
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 40But, if thou live to see like right bereft,
This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.
LUCIANAWell, I will marry one day, but to try.
Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.
ADRIANASay, is your tardy master now at hand?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 2 Sc 1 Ln 45Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears
can witness.
ADRIANASay, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAy, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
LUCIANAAct 2 Sc 1 Ln 50Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his
blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce
understand them.
ADRIANABut say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 55hath great care to please his wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhy, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
ADRIANAHorn-mad, thou villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI mean not cuckold-mad;
But, sure, he is stark mad.
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 60When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 65'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?'
'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'
LUCIANAQuoth who?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 2 Sc 1 Ln 70Quoth my master:
'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
ADRIANAAct 2 Sc 1 Ln 75Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSGo back again, and be new beaten home?
For God's sake, send some other messenger.
ADRIANABack, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAnd he will bless that cross with other beating:
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 80Between you I shall have a holy head.
ADRIANAHence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAm I so round with you as you with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 85If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
LUCIANAFie, how impatience loureth in your face!
ADRIANAHis company must do his minions grace,
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 90From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it:
Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard:
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 95That's not my fault: he's master of my state:
What ruins are in me that can be found,
By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
Of my defeatures. My decayed fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 100But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.
LUCIANASelf-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence!
ADRIANAUnfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 105Or else what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
Would that alone, alone he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
I see the jewel best enamelled
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 110Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still,
That others touch, and often touching will
Wear gold: and no man that hath a name,
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
Act 2 Sc 1 Ln 115I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
LUCIANAHow many fond fools serve mad jealousy!

ACT II

SCENE II. A public place.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThe gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave
Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out
By computation and mine host's report.
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 5I could not speak with Dromio since at first
I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.
How now sir! is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You know no Centaur? you received no gold?
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 10Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWhat answer, sir? when spake I such a word?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEEven now, even here, not half an hour since.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 15I did not see you since you sent me hence,
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEVillain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,
And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;
For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 20I am glad to see you in this merry vein:
What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEYea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEHold, sir, for God's sake! now your jest is earnest:
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 25Upon what bargain do you give it me?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBecause that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool and chat with you,
Your sauciness will jest upon my love
And make a common of my serious hours.
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 30When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 35Sconce call you it? so you would leave battering, I
had rather have it a head: an you use these blows
long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce
it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders.
But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 40Dost thou not know?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENothing, sir, but that I am beaten.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEShall I tell you why?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAy, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath
a wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 45Why, first, — for flouting me; and then, wherefore —
For urging it the second time to me.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWas there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme
nor reason?
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 50Well, sir, I thank you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThank me, sir, for what?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for
something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 55No, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIn good time, sir; what's that?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEBasting.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWell, sir, then 'twill be dry.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEIf it be, sir, I pray you, eat none of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 60Your reason?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSELest it make you choleric and purchase me another
dry basting.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWell, sir, learn to jest in good time: there's a
time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 65I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBy what rule, sir?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald
pate of father Time himself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSELet's hear it.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 70There's no time for a man to recover his hair that
grows bald by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEMay he not do it by fine and recovery?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEYes, to pay a fine for a periwig and recover the
lost hair of another man.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 75Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is,
so plentiful an excrement?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEBecause it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts;
and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 80Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThe plainer dealer, the sooner lost: yet he loseth
it in a kind of jollity.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEFor what reason?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 85For two; and sound ones too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENay, not sound, I pray you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSESure ones, then.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSECertain ones then.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 90Name them.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThe one, to save the money that he spends in
trimming; the other, that at dinner they should not
drop in his porridge.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEYou would all this time have proved there is no
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 95time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hair
lost by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBut your reason was not substantial, why there is no
time to recover.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 100Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald and therefore
to the world's end will have bald followers.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI knew 'twould be a bald conclusion:
But, soft! who wafts us yonder?
ADRIANAAy, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown:
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 105Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects;
I am not Adriana nor thy wife.
The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
That never words were music to thine ear,
That never object pleasing in thine eye,
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 110That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste,
Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carved to thee.
How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it,
That thou art thus estranged from thyself?
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 115Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,
Am better than thy dear self's better part.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
For know, my love, as easy mayest thou fall
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 120A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
And take unmingled that same drop again,
Without addition or diminishing,
As take from me thyself and not me too.
How dearly would it touch me to the quick,
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 125Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious
And that this body, consecrate to thee,
By ruffian lust should be contaminate!
Wouldst thou not spit at me and spurn at me
And hurl the name of husband in my face
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 130And tear the stain'd skin off my harlot-brow
And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
I know thou canst; and therefore see thou do it.
I am possess'd with an adulterate blot;
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 135My blood is mingled with the crime of lust:
For if we too be one and thou play false,
I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
Keep then far league and truce with thy true bed;
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 140I live unstain'd, thou undishonoured.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEPlead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
As strange unto your town as to your talk;
Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 145Want wit in all one word to understand.
LUCIANAFie, brother! how the world is changed with you!
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEBy Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 150By me?
ADRIANABy thee; and this thou didst return from him,
That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows,
Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEDid you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 155What is the course and drift of your compact?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI, sir? I never saw her till this time.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEVillain, thou liest; for even her very words
Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI never spake with her in all my life.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 160How can she thus then call us by our names,
Unless it be by inspiration.
ADRIANAHow ill agrees it with your gravity
To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
Abetting him to thwart me in my mood!
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 165Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,
But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine:
Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 170Makes me with thy strength to communicate:
If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss;
Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 175To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:
What, was I married to her in my dream?
Or sleep I now and think I hear all this?
What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
Until I know this sure uncertainty,
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 180I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.
LUCIANADromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEO, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
This is the fairy land: O spite of spites!
We talk with goblins, owls and sprites:
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 185If we obey them not, this will ensue,
They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.
LUCIANAWhy pratest thou to thyself and answer'st not?
Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI am transformed, master, am I not?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 190I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThou hast thine own form.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, I am an ape.
LUCIANAIf thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 2 Sc 2 Ln 195'Tis true; she rides me and I long for grass.
'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be
But I should know her as well as she knows me.
ADRIANACome, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep,
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 200Whilst man and master laugh my woes to scorn.
Come, sir, to dinner. Dromio, keep the gate.
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 205Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
Come, sister. Dromio, play the porter well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAm I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking? mad or well-advised?
Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
Act 2 Sc 2 Ln 210I'll say as they say and persever so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, shall I be porter at the gate?
ADRIANAAy; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
LUCIANACome, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.

ACT III

SCENE I. Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.

OF EPHESUSGood Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 5And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 10Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSSay what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 15I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSMarry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 20You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer
May answer my good will and your good welcome here.
BALTHAZARI hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your
welcome dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSO, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 25A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.
BALTHAZARGood meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.
BALTHAZARSmall cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAy, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 30But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSMaud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 35idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st
for such store,
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 40What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
catch cold on's feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWho talks within there? ho, open the door!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 45 Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell
me wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nor to-day here you must not; come again
when you may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 50What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE The porter for this time, sir, and my name
is Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSO villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name.
The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 55If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy
name for an ass.
LUCE What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those
at the gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 60Let my master in, Luce.
LUCE Faith, no; he comes too late;
And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSO Lord, I must laugh!
Have at you with a proverb — Shall I set in my staff?
LUCEAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 65 Have at you with another; that's — When?
can you tell?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE If thy name be call'd Luce — Luce, thou hast
answered him well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDo you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?
LUCEAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 70 I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSSo, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou baggage, let me in.
LUCE Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 75Master, knock the door hard.
LUCE Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
LUCE What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
ADRIANA Who is that at the door that keeps all
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 80this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE By my troth, your town is troubled with
unruly boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAre you there, wife? you might have come before.
ADRIANA Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 85If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.
ANGELOHere is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would
fain have either.
BALTHAZARIn debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSThey stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 90There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSYou would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSGo fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 95 Break any breaking here, and I'll break your
knave's pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSA man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind,
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 100thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUSHere's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee,
let me in.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWell, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 3 Sc 1 Ln 105A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSGo get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHAZARHave patience, sir; O, let it not be so!
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 110Herein you war against your reputation
And draw within the compass of suspect
The unviolated honour of your wife.
Once this, — your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years and modesty,
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 115Plead on her part some cause to you unknown:
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be ruled by me: depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 120And about evening come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it,
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 125And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungalled estimation
That may with foul intrusion enter in
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
For slander lives upon succession,
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 130For ever housed where it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou have prevailed: I will depart in quiet,
And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle:
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 135There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
My wife — but, I protest, without desert —
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
To her will we to dinner.
Get you home
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 140And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
For there's the house: that chain will I bestow —
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife —
Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste.
Act 3 Sc 1 Ln 145Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
ANGELOI'll meet you at that place some hour hence.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDo so. This jest shall cost me some expense.

ACT III

SCENE II. The same.

LUCIANAAnd may it be that you have quite forgot
A husband's office? shall, Antipholus.
Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous?
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 5If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness:
Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:
Let not my sister read it in your eye;
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 10Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
Look sweet, be fair, become disloyalty;
Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger;
Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 15Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed
And let her read it in thy looks at board:
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 20Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
Being compact of credit, that you love us;
Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
We in your motion turn and you may move us.
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 25Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife:
'Tis holy sport to be a little vain,
When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSESweet mistress — what your name is else, I know not,
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 30Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine, —
Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit,
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 35Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
To make it wander in an unknown field?
Are you a god? would you create me new?
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 40Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
But if that I am I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage do I owe
Far more, far more to you do I decline.
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 45O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears:
Sing, siren, for thyself and I will dote:
Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
And as a bed I'll take them and there lie,
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 50And in that glorious supposition think
He gains by death that hath such means to die:
Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!
LUCIANAWhat, are you mad, that you do reason so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENot mad, but mated; how, I do not know.
LUCIANAAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 55It is a fault that springeth from your eye.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEFor gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
LUCIANAGaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAs good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
LUCIANAWhy call you me love? call my sister so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 60Thy sister's sister.
LUCIANAThat's my sister.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSENo;
It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 65My food, my fortune and my sweet hope's aim,
My sole earth's heaven and my heaven's claim.
LUCIANAAll this my sister is, or else should be.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECall thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.
Thee will I love and with thee lead my life:
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 70Thou hast no husband yet nor I no wife.
Give me thy hand.
LUCIANAO, soft, air! hold you still:
I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 75Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man?
am I myself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 80that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat claim lays she to thee?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry sir, such claim as you would lay to your
horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I
being a beast, she would have me; but that she,
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 85being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEA very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may
not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have
but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 90wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEHow dost thou mean a fat marriage?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 95warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSESwart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 100clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
shoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThat's a fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat's her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 105Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThen she bears some breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 110she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIn what part of her body stands Ireland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMarry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 115I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEIn her forehead; armed and reverted, making war
against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 120I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no
whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,
by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhere Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEFaith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 125Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEOh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished with
rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich
aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole
armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 130Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEOh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this
drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me
Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 135shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:
And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
faith and my heart of steel,
She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 140me turn i' the wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEGo hie thee presently, post to the road:
An if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to-night:
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 145Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If every one knows us and we know none,
'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAs from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 150There's none but witches do inhabit here;
And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
She that doth call me husband, even my soul
Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace,
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 155Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.
ANGELOMaster Antipholus, —
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 160Ay, that's my name.
ANGELOI know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.
I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine:
The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELOAct 3 Sc 2 Ln 165What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEMade it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
ANGELONot once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
Go home with it and please your wife withal;
And soon at supper-time I'll visit you
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 170And then receive my money for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI pray you, sir, receive the money now,
For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.
ANGELOYou are a merry man, sir: fare you well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat I should think of this, I cannot tell:
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 175But this I think, there's no man is so vain
That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain.
I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
Act 3 Sc 2 Ln 180If any ship put out, then straight away.

ACT IV

SCENE I. A public place.

Second MerchantYou know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 5Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I'll attach you by this officer.
ANGELOEven just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 10He had of me a chain: at five o'clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond and thank you too.
OfficerThat labour may you save: see where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 15While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 20Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSA man is well holp up that trusts to you:
I promised your presence and the chain;
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 25Belike you thought our love would last too long,
If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.
ANGELOSaving your merry humour, here's the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 30Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI am not furnish'd with the present money;
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 35Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signior, take the stranger to my house
And with you take the chain and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELOAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 40Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSNo; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELOWell, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAn if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELOAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 45Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSGood Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 50I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
Second MerchantThe hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELOYou hear how he importunes me; — the chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWhy, give it to my wife and fetch your money.
ANGELOAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 55Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain or send me by some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSFie, now you run this humour out of breath,
where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
Second MerchantMy business cannot brook this dalliance.
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 60Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no:
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI answer you! what should I answer you?
ANGELOThe money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELOAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 65You know I gave it you half an hour since.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.
ANGELOYou wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
Second MerchantWell, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OfficerAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 70I do; and charge you in the duke's name to obey me.
ANGELOThis touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me
Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSConsent to pay thee that I never had!
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 75Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.
ANGELOHere is thy fee; arrest him, officer,
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.
OfficerI do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 80I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELOSir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 85Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 90The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSHow now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 95A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEYou sent me for a rope's end as soon:
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 1 Ln 100I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 105There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
Tell her I am arrested in the street
And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
On, officer, to prison till it come.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSETo Adriana! that is where we dined,
Act 4 Sc 1 Ln 110Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will,
For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.

ACT IV

SCENE II. The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.

ADRIANAAh, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?
Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
Act 4 Sc 2 Ln 5What observation madest thou in this case
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANAFirst he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANAHe meant he did me none; the more my spite.
LUCIANAThen swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANAAct 4 Sc 2 Ln 10And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANAThen pleaded I for you.
ADRIANAAnd what said he?
LUCIANAThat love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.
ADRIANAWith what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANAAct 4 Sc 2 Ln 15With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANADidst speak him fair?
LUCIANAHave patience, I beseech.
ADRIANAI cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
Act 4 Sc 2 Ln 20My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANAAct 4 Sc 2 Ln 25Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.
ADRIANAAh, but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:
Act 4 Sc 2 Ln 30My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEHere! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.
LUCIANAHow hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEBy running fast.
ADRIANAWhere is thy master, Dromio? is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 2 Ln 35No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;
One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;
A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough;
A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
Act 4 Sc 2 Ln 40A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that
countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands;
A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well;
One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell.
ADRIANAAct 4 Sc 2 Ln 45Why, man, what is the matter?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.
ADRIANAWhat, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.
Act 4 Sc 2 Ln 50Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?
ADRIANAGo fetch it, sister.
This I wonder at,
That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 2 Ln 55Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANAWhat, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo, no, the bell: 'tis time that I were gone:
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock
Act 4 Sc 2 Ln 60strikes one.
ADRIANAThe hours come back! that did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEO, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for
very fear.
ADRIANAAs if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 2 Ln 65Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's
worth, to season.
Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say
That Time comes stealing on by night and day?
If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
Act 4 Sc 2 Ln 70Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
ADRIANAGo, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight;
And bring thy master home immediately.
Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit —
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.

ACT IV

SCENE III. A public place.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThere's not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me;
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 5Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop
And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 10Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have
you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 3 Ln 15Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam
that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's
skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came
behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you
forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 3 Ln 20I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENo? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a
bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,
that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob
and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 25men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up
his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a
morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhat, thou meanest an officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAy, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 30any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that
thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God
give you good rest!'
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWell, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWhy, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 35bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were
you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy
Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to
deliver you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThe fellow is distract, and so am I;
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 40And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
CourtezanWell met, well met, Master Antipholus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
Is that the chain you promised me to-day?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 3 Ln 45Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, is this Mistress Satan?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEIt is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here
she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 50comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as
much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is
written, they appear to men like angels of light:
light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn;
ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
CourtezanAct 4 Sc 3 Ln 55Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a
long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEWhy, Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 3 Ln 60Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with
the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAvoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
CourtezanAct 4 Sc 3 Ln 65Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSESome devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 70A nut, a cherry-stone;
But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise: an if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
CourtezanI pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 75I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAvaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.
CourtezanNow, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 80A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain:
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 85Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner,
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house,
Act 4 Sc 3 Ln 90And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush'd into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
For forty ducats is too much to lose.

ACT IV

SCENE IV. A street.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSFear me not, man; I will not break away:
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 5And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 10Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSBut where's the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhy, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSFive hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 15To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSTo a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
OfficerGood sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.
OfficerAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 20Good, now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou whoreson, senseless villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
your blows.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 25I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long
ears. I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 30with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 35lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSCome, go along; my wife is coming yonder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSMistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the
rope's-end.'
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 40Wilt thou still talk?
CourtezanHow say you now? is not your husband mad?
ADRIANAHis incivility confirms no less.
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 45And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANAAlas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
CourtezanMark how he trembles in his ecstasy!
PINCHGive me your hand and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThere is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
PINCHAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 50I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSPeace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
ADRIANAAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 55O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSYou minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 60And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANAO husband, God doth know you dined at home;
Where would you had remain'd until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 65Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWere not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSPerdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSSans fable, she herself reviled you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 70Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSCertes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSIn verity you did; my bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
ADRIANAAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 75Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCHIt is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,
And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANAAlas, I sent you money to redeem you,
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 80By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSMoney by me! heart and goodwill you might;
But surely master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSWent'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANAHe came to me and I deliver'd it.
LUCIANAAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 85And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSGod and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope!
PINCHMistress, both man and master is possess'd;
I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 90They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSSay, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
ADRIANAI did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAnd, gentle master, I received no gold;
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 95But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.
ADRIANADissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDissembling harlot, thou art false in all;
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 100But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.
ADRIANAO, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.
PINCHMore company! The fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANAAy me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 105What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,
I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
OfficerMasters, let him go
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
PINCHAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 110Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.
ADRIANAWhat wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
OfficerHe is my prisoner: if I let him go,
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 115The debt he owes will be required of me.
ADRIANAI will discharge thee ere I go from thee:
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 120Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSO most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO OF EPHESUSMaster, I am here entered in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSOut on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSWill you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 125cry 'The devil!'
LUCIANAGod help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
ADRIANAGo bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
OfficerOne Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?
ADRIANAAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 130I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
OfficerTwo hundred ducats.
ADRIANASay, how grows it due?
OfficerDue for a chain your husband had of him.
ADRIANAHe did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
CourtezanAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 135When as your husband all in rage to-day
Came to my house and took away my ring —
The ring I saw upon his finger now —
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANAIt may be so, but I did never see it.
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 140Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
LUCIANAGod, for thy mercy! they are loose again.
ADRIANAAnd come with naked swords.
Let's call more help to have them bound again.
OfficerAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 145Away! they'll kill us.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI see these witches are afraid of swords.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEShe that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSECome to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 4 Sc 4 Ln 150Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us
no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:
methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and
Act 4 Sc 4 Ln 155turn witch.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI will not stay to-night for all the town;
Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

ACT V

SCENE I. A street before a Priory.

ANGELOI am sorry, sir, that I have hinder'd you;
But, I protest, he had the chain of me,
Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
Second MerchantHow is the man esteemed here in the city?
ANGELOAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 5Of very reverend reputation, sir,
Of credit infinite, highly beloved,
Second to none that lives here in the city:
His word might bear my wealth at any time.
Second MerchantSpeak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.
ANGELOAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 10'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck
Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him.
Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
That you would put me to this shame and trouble;
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 15And, not without some scandal to yourself,
With circumstance and oaths so to deny
This chain which now you wear so openly:
Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 20Who, but for staying on our controversy,
Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day:
This chain you had of me; can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI think I had; I never did deny it.
Second MerchantYes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 25Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
Second MerchantThese ears of mine, thou know'st did hear thee.
Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou livest
To walk where any honest man resort.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThou art a villain to impeach me thus:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 30I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty
Against thee presently, if thou darest stand.
Second MerchantI dare, and do defy thee for a villain.
ADRIANAHold, hurt him not, for God's sake! he is mad.
Some get within him, take his sword away:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 35Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSERun, master, run; for God's sake, take a house!
This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd!
AEMELIABe quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
ADRIANATo fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 40Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
And bear him home for his recovery.
ANGELOI knew he was not in his perfect wits.
Second MerchantI am sorry now that I did draw on him.
AEMELIAHow long hath this possession held the man?
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 45This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
And much different from the man he was;
But till this afternoon his passion
Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.
AEMELIAHath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea?
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 50Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
Stray'd his affection in unlawful love?
A sin prevailing much in youthful men,
Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing.
Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 55To none of these, except it be the last;
Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
AEMELIAYou should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANAWhy, so I did.
AEMELIAAy, but not rough enough.
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 60As roughly as my modesty would let me.
AEMELIAHaply, in private.
ADRIANAAnd in assemblies too.
AEMELIAAy, but not enough.
ADRIANAIt was the copy of our conference:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 65In bed he slept not for my urging it;
At board he fed not for my urging it;
Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
In company I often glanced it;
Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
AEMELIAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 70And thereof came it that the man was mad.
The venom clamours of a jealous woman
Poisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.
It seems his sleeps were hinder'd by thy railing,
And therefore comes it that his head is light.
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 75Thou say'st his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings:
Unquiet meals make ill digestions;
Thereof the raging fire of fever bred;
And what's a fever but a fit of madness?
Thou say'st his sports were hinderd by thy brawls:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 80Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue
But moody and dull melancholy,
Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
And at her heels a huge infectious troop
Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 85In food, in sport and life-preserving rest
To be disturb'd, would mad or man or beast:
The consequence is then thy jealous fits
Have scared thy husband from the use of wits.
LUCIANAShe never reprehended him but mildly,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 90When he demean'd himself rough, rude and wildly.
Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
ADRIANAShe did betray me to my own reproof.
Good people enter and lay hold on him.
AEMELIANo, not a creature enters in my house.
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 95Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
AEMELIANeither: he took this place for sanctuary,
And it shall privilege him from your hands
Till I have brought him to his wits again,
Or lose my labour in assaying it.
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 100I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
And will have no attorney but myself;
And therefore let me have him home with me.
AEMELIABe patient; for I will not let him stir
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 105Till I have used the approved means I have,
With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers,
To make of him a formal man again:
It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
A charitable duty of my order.
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 110Therefore depart and leave him here with me.
ADRIANAI will not hence and leave my husband here:
And ill it doth beseem your holiness
To separate the husband and the wife.
AEMELIABe quiet and depart: thou shalt not have him.
LUCIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 115Complain unto the duke of this indignity.
ADRIANACome, go: I will fall prostrate at his feet
And never rise until my tears and prayers
Have won his grace to come in person hither
And take perforce my husband from the abbess.
Second MerchantAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 120By this, I think, the dial points at five:
Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in person
Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
The place of death and sorry execution,
Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
ANGELOAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 125Upon what cause?
Second MerchantTo see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
Who put unluckily into this bay
Against the laws and statutes of this town,
Beheaded publicly for his offence.
ANGELOAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 130See where they come: we will behold his death.
LUCIANAKneel to the duke before he pass the abbey.
DUKE SOLINUSYet once again proclaim it publicly,
If any friend will pay the sum for him,
He shall not die; so much we tender him.
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 135Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!
DUKE SOLINUSShe is a virtuous and a reverend lady:
It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
ADRIANAMay it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,
Whom I made lord of me and all I had,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 140At your important letters, — this ill day
A most outrageous fit of madness took him;
That desperately he hurried through the street,
With him his bondman, all as mad as he —
Doing displeasure to the citizens
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 145By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
Rings, jewels, any thing his rage did like.
Once did I get him bound and sent him home,
Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
That here and there his fury had committed.
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 150Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
He broke from those that had the guard of him;
And with his mad attendant and himself,
Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
Met us again and madly bent on us,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 155Chased us away; till, raising of more aid,
We came again to bind them. Then they fled
Into this abbey, whither we pursued them:
And here the abbess shuts the gates on us
And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 160Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.
DUKE SOLINUSLong since thy husband served me in my wars,
And I to thee engaged a prince's word,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 165When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
To do him all the grace and good I could.
Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gate
And bid the lady abbess come to me.
I will determine this before I stir.
ServantAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 170O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself!
My master and his man are both broke loose,
Beaten the maids a-row and bound the doctor
Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire;
And ever, as it blazed, they threw on him
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 175Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair:
My master preaches patience to him and the while
His man with scissors nicks him like a fool,
And sure, unless you send some present help,
Between them they will kill the conjurer.
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 180Peace, fool! thy master and his man are here,
And that is false thou dost report to us.
ServantMistress, upon my life, I tell you true;
I have not breathed almost since I did see it.
He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 185To scorch your face and to disfigure you.
Hark, hark! I hear him, mistress. fly, be gone!
DUKE SOLINUSCome, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds!
ADRIANAAy me, it is my husband! Witness you,
That he is borne about invisible:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 190Even now we housed him in the abbey here;
And now he's there, past thought of human reason.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSJustice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice!
Even for the service that long since I did thee,
When I bestrid thee in the wars and took
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 195Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
AEGEONUnless the fear of death doth make me dote,
I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSJustice, sweet prince, against that woman there!
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 200She whom thou gavest to me to be my wife,
That hath abused and dishonour'd me
Even in the strength and height of injury!
Beyond imagination is the wrong
That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE SOLINUSAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 205Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThis day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me,
While she with harlots feasted in my house.
DUKE SOLINUSA grievous fault! Say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANANo, my good lord: myself, he and my sister
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 210To-day did dine together. So befall my soul
As this is false he burdens me withal!
LUCIANANe'er may I look on day, nor sleep on night,
But she tells to your highness simple truth!
ANGELOO perjured woman! They are both forsworn:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 215In this the madman justly chargeth them.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSMy liege, I am advised what I say,
Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
Nor heady-rash, provoked with raging ire,
Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 220This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner:
That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
Could witness it, for he was with me then;
Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 225Where Balthazar and I did dine together.
Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
I went to seek him: in the street I met him
And in his company that gentleman.
There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 230That I this day of him received the chain,
Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which
He did arrest me with an officer.
I did obey, and sent my peasant home
For certain ducats: he with none return'd
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 235Then fairly I bespoke the officer
To go in person with me to my house.
By the way we met
My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
Of vile confederates. Along with them
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 240They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,
A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller,
A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
A dead-looking man: this pernicious slave,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 245Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me,
Cries out, I was possess'd. Then all together
They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 250And in a dark and dankish vault at home
There left me and my man, both bound together;
Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
I gain'd my freedom, and immediately
Ran hither to your grace; whom I beseech
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 255To give me ample satisfaction
For these deep shames and great indignities.
ANGELOMy lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,
That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.
DUKE SOLINUSBut had he such a chain of thee or no?
ANGELOAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 260He had, my lord: and when he ran in here,
These people saw the chain about his neck.
Second MerchantBesides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
Heard you confess you had the chain of him
After you first forswore it on the mart:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 265And thereupon I drew my sword on you;
And then you fled into this abbey here,
From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI never came within these abbey-walls,
Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 270I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven!
And this is false you burden me withal.
DUKE SOLINUSWhy, what an intricate impeach is this!
I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup.
If here you housed him, here he would have been;
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 275If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly:
You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here
Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSSir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.
CourtezanHe did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 280'Tis true, my liege; this ring I had of her.
DUKE SOLINUSSaw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?
CourtezanAs sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.
DUKE SOLINUSWhy, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither.
I think you are all mated or stark mad.
AEGEONAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 285Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:
Haply I see a friend will save my life
And pay the sum that may deliver me.
DUKE SOLINUSSpeak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
AEGEONIs not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus?
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 290And is not that your bondman, Dromio?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSWithin this hour I was his bondman sir,
But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords:
Now am I Dromio and his man unbound.
AEGEONI am sure you both of you remember me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 295Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you;
For lately we were bound, as you are now
You are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?
AEGEONWhy look you strange on me? you know me well.
AEGEONO, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 300And careful hours with time's deformed hand
Have written strange defeatures in my face:
But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSNeither.
AEGEONDromio, nor thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 305No, trust me, sir, nor I.
AEGEONI am sure thou dost.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAy, sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever a
man denies, you are now bound to believe him.
AEGEONNot know my voice! O time's extremity,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 310Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poor tongue
In seven short years, that here my only son
Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
Though now this grained face of mine be hid
In sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 315And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
Yet hath my night of life some memory,
My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
My dull deaf ears a little use to hear:
All these old witnesses — I cannot err —
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 320Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI never saw my father in my life.
AEGEONBut seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son,
Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 325The duke and all that know me in the city
Can witness with me that it is not so
I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.
DUKE SOLINUSI tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
Have I been patron to Antipholus,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 330During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa:
I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
AEMELIAMost mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.
ADRIANAI see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
DUKE SOLINUSOne of these men is Genius to the other;
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 335And so of these. Which is the natural man,
And which the spirit? who deciphers them?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEI, sir, am Dromio; command him away.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAEgeon art thou not? or else his ghost?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 340O, my old master! who hath bound him here?
AEMELIAWhoever bound him, I will loose his bonds
And gain a husband by his liberty.
Speak, old AEgeon, if thou be'st the man
That hadst a wife once call'd AEmilia
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 345That bore thee at a burden two fair sons:
O, if thou be'st the same AEgeon, speak,
And speak unto the same AEmilia!
AEGEONIf I dream not, thou art AEmilia:
If thou art she, tell me where is that son
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 350That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
AEMELIABy men of Epidamnum he and I
And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
By force took Dromio and my son from them
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 355And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
What then became of them I cannot tell
I to this fortune that you see me in.
DUKE SOLINUSWhy, here begins his morning story right;
These two Antipholuses, these two so like,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 360And these two Dromios, one in semblance, —
Besides her urging of her wreck at sea, —
These are the parents to these children,
Which accidentally are met together.
Antipholus, thou camest from Corinth first?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 365No, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.
DUKE SOLINUSStay, stand apart; I know not which is which.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI came from Corinth, my most gracious lord, —
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAnd I with him.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSBrought to this town by that most famous warrior,
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 370Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.
ADRIANAWhich of you two did dine with me to-day?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI, gentle mistress.
ADRIANAAnd are not you my husband?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSNo; I say nay to that.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 375And so do I; yet did she call me so:
And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
Did call me brother.
What I told you then,
I hope I shall have leisure to make good;
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 380If this be not a dream I see and hear.
ANGELOThat is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEI think it be, sir; I deny it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSAnd you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
ANGELOI think I did, sir; I deny it not.
ADRIANAAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 385I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,
By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSNo, none by me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEThis purse of ducats I received from you,
And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 390I see we still did meet each other's man,
And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThese ducats pawn I for my father here.
DUKE SOLINUSIt shall not need; thy father hath his life.
CourtezanAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 395Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSThere, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.
AEMELIARenowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
To go with us into the abbey here
And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 400And all that are assembled in this place,
That by this sympathized one day's error
Have suffer'd wrong, go keep us company,
And we shall make full satisfaction.
Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 405Of you, my sons; and till this present hour
My heavy burden ne'er delivered.
The duke, my husband and my children both,
And you the calendars of their nativity,
Go to a gossips' feast and go with me;
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 410After so long grief, such festivity!
DUKE SOLINUSWith all my heart, I'll gossip at this feast.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEMaster, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSDromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark'd?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEYour goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSEAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 415He speaks to me. I am your master, Dromio:
Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon:
Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEThere is a fat friend at your master's house,
That kitchen'd me for you to-day at dinner:
Act 5 Sc 1 Ln 420She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSMethinks you are my glass, and not my brother:
I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSENot I, sir; you are my elder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAct 5 Sc 1 Ln 425That's a question: how shall we try it?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSEWe'll draw cuts for the senior: till then lead thou first.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, then, thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother;
And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.